Intangible
by Malinda Le Chat
Summary: Kaz has the ability to bring back the dead (souls and healing including) and he uses this ability to bring Matthias back. Matthias, now feeling like he owes Kaz a blood debt, makes it his mission to cure Kaz of his touching phobia, which allows Matthias to expand on his feelings for Kaz, and for Kaz to overcome is trauma. CONTAINS violence and smut and MatthiasxKaz


Hello, this story is a Matthias x Kaz fic, with containing violence and smut. For those of you who wish to continue reading, I hope you enjoy, and I appologize for the spelling/grammar mistakes, this fic has not been betaed. :)

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When Matthias's eyes opened again, he was surprised to see Kaz Brekker's black eyes staring right back at him.

And then the pain hit him.

He groaned, sat up and looked down to see see his bullet wound. It hurt badly, but was no longer bleeding.

 _So wasn't I supposed to be dead?_

He turned his head, confused, only to see the rest of the crew with tears in their eyes or tears already flowing, looking at him with a look of astonishment.

"Matthias!" Nina screamed and threw herself at him. He groaned in pain and she quickly pulled away.

"What's going on?" Matthias asked her, his voice hoarse. "Wasn't I - Didn't I-"

Nina nods her head then, but her expression is confused also. Matthias scans the faces of his friends, sees their happiness and joy at him being alive.

When he returns his gaze to Nina though, she is looking at Kaz.

"What did you do?" She asked, her voice getting higher at the end. "How did you do that?"

Now they were all staring at Kaz, and Matthias noticed even Inej looking unsure. So even she didn't know.

Kaz does not look at us though, only stares as a single spot in the garden, bare hands clenched in his lap, cane laying on the grass beside him. As he stares at him, Matthias sees the tension in his frame, the coldness of his gaze, the anger behind his eyes.

Nina's about to speak up when Kaz promptly looks directly at Matthias, his eyes boring into him, before he turns to the others. "I brought him back."

"We know you brought him back." Nina say, her hand clutching Matthias's as she stares at Kaz. "I want to know _how._ I tried Kaz, and I couldn't do it."

 _She did?_ Matthias glances at her at this, but she only squeezes his hand, not removing her gaze from Kaz.

Matthias watches as Kaz's gaze slides down to my hand and Nina's, then past us to Inej.

He watch as Kazblinks slowly, then closes his eyes for a few seconds. It's strange to watch him to it, because I've never seen his eyes close voluntarily.

"Magic." He finally says, and Nina fumes.

"Kaz Brekker, I asked you a serious question-"

"I answered seriously." Kaz says, flashing her a glare that make her tense up in fear for a second.

Even Matthias tenses up, seeing the look on his face.

"Like Grisha magic?" Jesper asks, his voice barely a whisper.

Nina shakes her head at Jesper's words. "That not possible-"

"Yes" Kaz says, standing as he answers Jesper's question, his cane in hand.

Nina's mouth falls open, as does Inej's and Jesper's. Kaz slowly limps over to the doors to Wylan's house Matthias assumes, and after a second of recovering from our shock, we make our way inside too, with me trying to lean on Nina as little as possible.

Inej is the first to Kaz, who is sitting in one of the grand chairs in what I assume is the living room. She stands before him, her face unreadable.

"You're a Grisha?" Inej finally whispers out as we all enter the room and take seats on the chairs or ground.

Nina glances at my wound, but seeing it still isn't bleeding, settles down next to me, her eyes trained on Kaz. Matthias can see the anger In her eyes.

Kaz shakes his head, surprising us again.

"What the hell Kaz!" Jesper suddenly yells. "Didnt you just say-"

"I'm not a Grisha." Kaz says, his rough voice sending a chill right through me. "I didn't say that I was."

"Explain." Inej says, and perches on the edge of the seat beside Kaz, her eyes fierce.

Kaz glares at her, but then his eyes move to me, then to Kuwei.

 _Huh? Why Kuwei?_

"I wasn't born with it." Kaz finally says, seemingly forcing the words out.

"You must have been." Nina says. "You just didn't know it until you used your power."

Kaz shakes his head sharply, and glares at a spot behind one of the couches. "It was _given_ to me."

He spits out the word 'given' like poison.

"What?" Nina asks. "It doesn't work that way. Who gave it to you?"

Matthias sees the way Kaz stiffens at the question, the way his jaw clenches, the way his eyes focus and unfocus. He also sees the way Inej inches closer to Kaz and glances at the rest of us.

 _She knows something._

"I don't know what their name was." Kaz forces out, but does not relax.

Nina however, doesn't catch how high-strung Kaz is, and presses on.

"Was it a woman? A man? When was this?" She asks, and I squeeze her hand, trying to get her to stop, but she ignores me. "What kind of Grisha has this kind of power?"

"Nina." Inej says, her voice loud and unexpected. "Be quiet."

Nina gasps at her friends words and the fierce expression on her face. "What? Why are you telling me to be quiet? I just want some answers! Why didn't you tell us! Why aren't you telling us now?!"

"You want answers?!" Kaz growls out, his eyes focused on Nina, dark and monstrous. She flinches. "I don't know who gave me this power. I don't know because there were too many bodies. I don't know how this power works, only that it's intangible, and it lets me bring back the souls of people who've died. I had to use it twice today. Once for Kuwei and once for Hevlar."

His words fill the room.

"Bodies?" Inej asks, at the same time that Kuwei says; "Me?"

Kaz ignores Inej and his gaze lands on Kuwei.

"You were dead for a while." Kaz say offhandedly, and then looks at Nina with a glare that would freeze over hell. "Anything else?"

Nina bites her lip to keep from snapping at him, but Matthias can feel the way her hand trembles slightly.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jesper says.

Kaz grins then, flashing teeth, pure amusement.

"I told you from the start, your just too stupid to get it." He says, and Jesper starts protesting.

"You did _not_ tell us." Inej says, and Matthias can hear the hurt in her voice.

He grins more at this. "Even you?"

We sit in silence for a while before he speaks up.

"What is it we always say? 'No mourners. No funerals.'" He says, making our eyes go wide.

 _No way._

He scoffs at the expression on our faces

"It wasn't for good luck?" Wylan asks, glancing at Jesper and then Kaz, his voice small.

"I _thought_ it was." Jesper says.

"Why didn't you just _tell_ us?" Inej asks, her hands clenched at her side. "We wouldn't have told anyone about your power."

Kaz shakes his head. "It wasn't about you not telling anyone. It was about the way you would act if you _knew_ I could bring you back."

"Reckless." Matthias says, causing Kaz's gaze to turn to him.

Matthias sees the glare there, and wonders if that's what he thought of _him_ dying: Reckless. Matthias clenches his fists, removing his hand from Nina's.

After a moment longer, Kaz turns his gaze away from me. "If the Dregs knew I could bring them back even if they bit the dust, they would act without caution."

"Who have you used it on?" Inej asks, her voice barely above a whisper. "Who knows about it?"

"No one knows except for the people in this room, which is already too many." Kaz says with a sigh. "But excluding Hevlar and Kuwei, I've only ever used it on one other person."

"Who?" Matthias asks before he can stop himself, feeling a flame lick at his heart.

Kaz does not answer, only looks towards the same chair as before, his eyes unfocused.

There is silence for a while, and then Inej's eyes go wide. "Jordie?"

Kaz's eyes widen and he looks from the chair to Inej, not surprised, but tense.

"Who's Jordie?" Wylan asks, confused. Matthias shares the sentiment.

Kaz now glares at Inej, and Matthias sees him telling her to keep her mouth shut.

"You've called me that before." Jesper says, surprising us. "You said it was someone important to you, someone you didn't want to lose."

Matthias can see Kaz cursing himself for telling Jesper anything, and Inej takes this chance to speak up.

"His brother." She whispers out, and Kaz glares at her, his gaze sharp enough to make her flinch.

"You have a brother?" Matthias asks, eyes wide in shock.

Kaz glances at the chair again. " _Had_."

Matthias feels his heart ache at the realization.

 _He lost his brother, just like I lost my wolf brother._

"Didn't you say you used your power on him though?" Nina asks.

Kaz runs a hand through his hair.

"...It's the opposite of your new power Nina." Kaz says, gesturing with a hand towards Nina. "You can't control the inside, only the vessel. If there is no vessel, the soul has nowhere to anchor."

Nina blanches at that. "Wait then what happened to his body?"

Kaz's hands tighten their hold on his cane, and his eyes darken, but he does not respond to Nina's question.

There is a terrible silence for a while, before Matthias breaks it.

"Thank you _demjin_." He say, causing Kaz's eyes to focus on him. "For bringing me back."

"Yes," Kuwei agrees, nodding his head. "Much thanks."

Matthias now owed Kaz a life dept. A blood dept.

He continues staring at Matthias, until finally Jesper clears his throat.

"Well, my brain is officially fried, so I'm gonna hit the hay." He says, standing from his seat next to Wylan. "Since the rest of the plan happens later, Wylan, could you show us where we're sleeping?"

Matthias wrenches his gaze away from the _demjin_ 's, and stands. Slowly, they all retire to their own rooms, (because Wylan's house has enough for all of us) but he notices Kaz and Inej stay seated.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Inej asks, and Kaz can hear the hurt in her voice.

He scoffs, and she flinches.

He turns to glare at her again. "Do you feel safer now that you know?"

Inej glares right on back. "Yes."

He stands from his chair. "That's exactly why."

He exits the room and turns down the dark hallway to get his own room for the night.

When Matthias awakes in the middle of the night a few hours later, he expects to see the _demjin_ 's eyes staring back at him again, but only sees the dark ceiling.

He finds himself being disappointed, and chastises himself in his head. He turns his head to the side, and sees Nina sleeping a proper distance away from him.

He rubs a hand over his face, and slowly gets off the bed, unused to beds that do not creak when the slightest movement is made. He looks down at Nina sleeping in the bed, but cannot bring himself to think of her the same way as before. He knows that what he feels for her is more than just some kind of primal lust, but he knows it isn't the type of love that they each want it to be.

She is a kindred soul to him, an angel who came from a foreign, enemy land and became a close ally and friend. He physically responded to her flirting, but he knows that she didn't feel exactly the same way.

He might be dense, but he is not blind, and he can see the way she looks at the Wraith. He saw the hurt in her eyes when a few hours ago, Inej told her to be quiet. He saw the way her body would tense when the Wraith and Brekker would have their hushed conversations, the way she would turn her head away, a little too fast.

And then there was _him._ The _demjin_ , the one who brought Matthias back, the one with all the tricks, the one who was slight in frame, who's past was as dark as his future, who's dark eyes haunted Matthias since the night in the prison cell where they met. The _demjin_ who Matthias couldn't keep his eyes off of.

Shaking his head, Matthias exited the room and ventured into the hallway, lit by candles every few steps.

 _What a luxurious home._

He found himself in the living room again, and took a seat on one of the chairs, emitting a sigh as he sunk into the cushion a little.

"Tired Hevlar?" The _demjin_ said, almost materializing out of the shadows near the window, his dark eyes trained on Matthias.

"Do you not sleep?" Matthias responded after his heart rate had slowed to a somewhat-normal pace.

"Not if I can help it." He replies, settling himself into the chair facing the one Matthias was sitting on.

Matthias looking alive was a welcome sight to Kaz, not that he would ever say so out loud. He didn't want to sleep even though he knew his body needed it. He knew that if he closed his eyes for too long, he would see his brother's body in his mind, see it drifting away from him in the water, see himself a day later, wishing his brother would come back, and suddenly he could see him standing there, giving him that same smile.

That smile is what always hurt Kaz the most.

The fact that his brother could still smile at him that way, even though Kaz didn't really bring him back, even though Jordie's body was probably at the bottom of the quarry, or burned with the other infected bodies.

His eyes now slid over to the same chair as before, where Jordie was now sitting, casually leaning back, relaxed and watching Kaz and Matthias with amused eyes.

Kaz glared at him, but Jordie only smiled back at him, before giving him a wink, standing from the chair, and walking out of the room.

Kaz's fists clenched in his lap. _That nosy, medling-_

"What happened to your brother's soul?" Matthias asked, actually surprising Kaz from his thoughts.

That made Matthias a little proud, but that feeling was lost when Kaz's eyes narrowed at the blonde.

"That's none of your business." Brekker said.

"I know what it's like to have a brother." Matthias says to him, leaning forwards to rest his elbows on his knees and stare at the _demjin_. "I also know what it feels like to lose a brother, so I can empathize with you."

"I don't need your _empathy_." Kaz growls out, his eyes fierce. "And I have no need to tell you anything about my brother. You already know too much."

There is silence for a few seconds as the two of them glare at each other across the darkness of the room.

"Do you see him?" Matthias finally asks, breaking the silence. He gestures with his head towards the chair that Jordie was sitting in. "You kept looking at that chair like there was someone sitting there, and then like someone was getting up and leaving. Was he sitting there?"

Kaz glares at the blonde before him, angry that he let himself be seen through so easily, angry that the Fjerdan of all people was the one to see it.

He hates the fact that the blonde seems to see right through him.

...Maybe he should have left him for dead.

"You need to heal, _demjin_." Matthias says to Kaz, leaning forwards even more. "Your no use to us so riled up."

" _I'm_ no use to us?!" Kaz growls angrily. "What about you, who was so useless that you got shot by one of your own people?!"

"If I was useless, you wouldn't have brought me back." Matthias says, leaning back into is chair to glare at the shadow before him.

"Is that what everyone thinks?!" Kaz exclaims, almost throwing his cane at the blonde. "That I will only help if they're useful? That I bleed and get beaten for _mere tools_? That I don't _care_?"

The words shoot through the silence and right through Matthias's chest. Before he registers what he's doing, he's leaning over Kaz, his hands on the armrests of the chair, head tilted downwards so that their eyes are level.

"Do you care?" Matthias asks, his voice hoarse for some reason. "Is that why you brought me back?"

Matthias can see the way the _demjin_ 's body tenses up, the way his pupils dilate and undilate as his eyes focus and unfocus, the way he clenches his jaw.

Matthias does not, however, pull away.

He understands that Kaz is going through a post-traumatic episode, he's seen it enough times now to understand what it is. He understands it's because of how close he is. He understands, but he will not yield.

Kaz, meanwhile, is drowning, sinking with the rotting bodies, naked, exposed, helpless.

"Let me be your lifeline." A even, calming voice suddenly says, cutting through the water to his ears, and he looks up at the surface to see Matthias's face there, distorted by the water's surface.

 _A lifeline._

 _A way to survive._

Kaz struggles to the surface.

Matthias watches as Kaz's body tenses and relaxes, hears the little breaths that come out of his mouth, his jaw still clenched but being worked, like he is grinding his teeth.

It takes a few minutes, but Matthias does not move, and gradually Kaz returns to the present.

"Welcome back from the darkness _demjin_." Matthias says with a small smile as Kaz's eyes focus on him.

"...I am the darkness Fjerdan." He replies, his voice rough. "You would do well to remember that."

"The darkness does not swallow its own." Matthias replies. "You must have at least a little light within you."

Kaz rolls his eyes and smirks. "Now you sound like Inej."

Matthias smiles at that. "I am not the Wraith."

"No, you're too pure for that." Kaz says, and is tempted to shove his cane into the Fjerdan's throat to get him away, but knows he will have lost the battle if he does so.

Now it's Matthias's turn to scoff. "I am by no means pure."

Kaz raises an eyebrow. "Really? And here I thought the angelic look was symbolic of your purity."

Matthias blinks at that, surprised, and then pulls back away from Kaz to laugh.

Kaz looks at the giant before him and is thankful for the space between them, though it feels empty.

He brushes the thought away, and focuses on Matthias's laugh. It's the first time he has heard it.

"My body might be pure, but my soul is not." Matthias says, sobering up. "Though I find it greatly amusing to find you think I look angelic."

"Is that so?" Kaz says, raising his eyebrow yet again, a smirk gracing his lips. "Fair skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed. I don't think it's that far of a stretch, especially when you call me demon."

Matthias is thankful for the darkness when he feels his face heat up slightly at the words.

 _A compliment? From Kaz Brekker, the_ demjin _himself?_

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts.

"With your black hair, skin and clothes, it is not a stretch at all." Matthias says. "You do things befitting a _demjin_ without hesitation, and you wear the costume well."

"Costume?" Kaz questions. "You don't think I'm a demon anymore?"

Matthias shakes his head. "I know you weren't always this way, so consumed in the darkness."

"And why would you possibly think that?" Kaz asks, narrowing his eyes at the giant.

"Don't try to deny it." Matthias says. "I know because when I lost my family, I too changed into a darker version of myself."

Kaz glares at him, and Matthias shakes his head in return.

"You don't have to tell me all your secrets _demjin_ , and I won't tell you all of mine." Matthias says. "But you need to learn to _trust_ someone."

"I trusted someone once." Kaz says, his eyes darkening. "That's what got me here in the first place."

"After all we've gone through, you still can't trust us?" Matthias asks.

 _You can't trust_ me? Matthias thinks sadly.

"'After all we've gone through'?" Kaz says, his voice low. "We aren't done yet."

He stands then, and they are now standing before each other, a foot apart. The act surprises Matthias, who thought that Kaz's fear of contact would prevent him from standing when he knew it would lead to him being so close to Matthias.

Matthias tilts his head slightly downwards to look at Kaz, who merely clenches his jaw and glares slightly up at the blonde. They stand like that for a few moments of tense silence, none of them yielding.

Matthias stepping back would mean that Kaz intimidated him, and that the _demjin_ had power over him.

Kaz stepping away would mean that he was conceding to his weakness, that he was letting it get the better of him, and that Matthias would witness that.

None of them break eye contact, or step away.

Matthias finds himself leaning down, and before he can stop himself, he rests his forehead on Kaz's.

Kaz's whole body tense up, and he resists the urge to slam the crow-head-end of his cane into Matthias's temple.

" _What_ do you think you're doing Hevlar?" Kaz growls out, trying to intimidate the blonde into getting the hell away from him.

"I don't really know _demjin_." Matthias responds, his voice soft. "But I think it's because I want to heal you."

"Heal me?" Kaz forces out, but his voice is lower in volume than before as he struggles to stay composed. "What would possess you to do that?!"

Matthias chuckles at that, but Kaz does not relax. "This one _demjin_ I know probably."

"You're getting out of hand Hevlar." Kaz says, trying to force some power into his words, but they fall flat as he feels the rotten hands start grabbing his ankles, feels the water start to rise around his feet.

"You might be right." Matthias says. "But I can't stop now."

With that, Matthias takes Kaz's face into his large hands and presses his lips firmly to his.

Unlike his kiss with Nina, this was one-sided, brief, and unwanted, but the feelings that swelled in Matthias's chest, in his heart, when he pressed his chapped lips to Kaz's thin ones, was infinitely more real than the hazy state of mind his kiss with Nina had put him in.

Then Kaz shoved the end of his cane into Matthias's stomach, causing the blonde to double over him pain.

Kaz wiped a gloved hand over his lips, and resisted the urge to kick the Fjerdan while he was doubled over.

The only reason the kiss had lasted longer than a fraction of a second, was that as soon as Matthias had pressed their lips together, Kaz had been so shocked that the water and rotten hands had disappeared, leaving only the Fjerdan's face pressed to his, and his hands on Kaz's face.

"I have half the mind to kill you where you stand Hevlar!" Kaz yells, his voice fierce, eyes blazing.

When Matthias lifts his head to look at him though, there is a smile on Matthias's face, and a glint in his eyes.  
"Do what you will Kaz." Matthias says, and straightens up to his full height with only a slight wince. "If you wanted me dead, I would be dead by now."

A sound like a growl comes out of Kaz's mouth.

"Don't think _for one moment_ that I won't Fjerdan." Kaz practically whispers. " _Especially_ not if you try any of that _horseshit_ again."

"I'll do it again." Matthias promises, a smile growing on his face. "You're gonna have to kill me to get me to stop."

It's then that the others showed up, having woken up because of the noise of Kaz yelling.

"What's going on?" Nina asks, looking from a grinning Matthias to a livid Kaz.

"Yeah, what's all the fuss about?" Jesper asks, rubbing his eyes. His eyes widen when he sees the faces on the two of them however. "Is Matthias _smiling_? Kaz what the hell did you do?"

"You need to keep your Fjerdan on a _leash_." Kaz growls out to Nina, making her flinch a little.

"What happened?" Inej asks, stepping forwards towards Kaz.

He turns back to glare at Matthias. "Bringing him back messed up his brain, what little of it there was to begin with."

Matthias chuckles at that. "Sure _demjin_ , just keep telling yourself that."

"That is the _only explanation_." Kaz says, his voice low as he glares at Matthias, who is unaffected by the animosity being directed at him.

"Really, what happened?" Wylan asks, curious at the dramatic change in his friends.

"Nothing for you to worry about." Matthias says. "The _demjin_ and I were just...bonding."

Kaz growls at Matthias, and considers hitting him with his cane again.

The others, (Matthias excluded) flinch at the sound.

"Seriously Kaz," Jesper says, now looking worried, "what's got you so riled up?"

Kaz sees Jordie's ghost walk into the room then, fanning himself with his hand, a large smile on his face.

 _Oh, if he wasn't already dead, I would_ kill him _!_ Kaz thinks, gripping his cane.

In the next second though, he is the cool and collected Kaz Brekker, bastard of the Barrel. He gives Matthias a level look, who in turn smiles back at him.

"Get some sleep, you'll need it." Kaz says, before walking out of the room.

Matthias follows the movement with his eyes, as do the others.

There is an almost pregnant silence for a few minutes, and then Nina speaks up.

"Matthias, what happened between you two?" She asks, and when Matthias looks at her, he sees the confusion in her eyes.

He tries to contain his feelings, but the smile does not remove itself from his face.

"It's nothing." He says, and looks at the doorway that Kaz left through. "Just a disagreement about something I am going to do."

Kuwei raises an eyebrow at this. "Sounded like more than disagreement."

Inej nods her head at this, but Matthias does not say any more.

Kaz was his to heal, and his _demjin_ wasn't going to get away.

No more running.

The next morning, they're seated in the living room eating breakfast, (because the dining-room was still a mess from when Kaz and Wylan crashed through the ceiling) when Kaz walks in.

As soon as he walks in, all eyes are on him, but he merely takes a seat at the table and pours himself a cup of coffee. He does not add sugar or milk, and proceeds to drink it black.

Kuwei, who is seated to Kaz's left, is as casual as ever, and Inej, who is seated to Kaz's right, is looking at him with a worried expression.

"Where were you?" Nina asks, scarfing down another pastry.

He raises an eyebrow at the speed at which she devours the pastry. "The Crow Club. Are all of you ready?"

"Yes we're ready!" Jesper exclaims. "We can recite the plan too, if that will make you feel any better!"

Kaz nods his heads, and goes back to drinking his coffee. Matthias watches the way his Adam's Apple bobs as he swallows, and the way his shoulders are relaxed in their jacket.

"About the plan," Nina says, catching Kaz's attention, and then glancing at Matthias, "Matthias wants-"

"I don't care about what he wants." Kaz says, cutting her off, his voice sharp, his gaze sharper.

"He wants to stay!" Nina exclaims, mad at the fact that she was interrupted.

"No." Kaz says.

"It's not your choice." Matthias says, and watches as the _demjin_ finally meets his gaze from across the table.

"That's right Kaz!" Nina exclaims, now glaring fiercely at Kaz from the seat between Matthias and Kuwei. "If he doesn't want to go to Rafka with us, he doesn't have to!"

"Oh really?" Kaz says, his voice lowering as he returns Nina's glare.

"You'll be fine without him?" Inej asks Nina, concerned. "I'm worried about you and the Grisha refugees."

"You can come see us after you get your ship and crew." Nina says with a smile, but the sadness in her eyes when she looks at the other girl cannot be missed.

"Take them to Rafka yourself." Kaz says offhandedly, gulping down some coffee.

"You know I'm getting out of this city with my own boat and crew Kaz." Inej replies, her voice low.

Kaz scoffs, and Inej stiffens. "That's why I said 'take to Rafka yourself' Wraith. Your ship and crew are at the docks already."

There is stunned silence for a while, before Inej gets up from her seat.

"What are you talking about?" Inej asks, her brown eyes wide.

" _The Wraith_ is her name." Kaz says to her. "I got her from Van Eck's collection, courtesy of our little merchling over here. Rotty's there to offer his services as your first mate too apparently."

"So _that's_ what you wanted the ship for." Wylan exclaims, eyes wide.

"Kaz I-" Inej says, but then stops herself and just smiles at him. "Thank you. I'll pay you back."

Kaz grins up at her, flashing teeth. "You better Wraith, with interest!"

Inej laughs and nods her head. Then she turns and looks from Nina to Kuwei and back to Nina.

"It looks like I can take you to Rafka myself now." Inej says, her eyes practically sparkling.

Nina lets out a laugh, and even Kuwei smiles.

The rest of breakfast is eaten without incident, though Matthias finds his eyes sliding back to Kaz every few minutes. The others around the table noticed this too, but refrained from saying anything.

Then it is time to leave, and as a group, they all walk to the docks, where they behold the simple yet elegant beauty of Inej's ship. They said their goodbyes at the docks, as the crew loaded supplies via the ramp.

Their group, which had been together for what seemed like such a seemingly long time, was now officially parting ways. It was not a sad goodbye though. With the exception of Kaz, each of them thought that there would be a brighter future ahead.

Kaz did not, because Matthias was staying in Ketterdam, and not leaving on the ship with the other three. And Inej had gifted her room at the Crow Club to the Fjerdan.

After the ship set sail, the four remaining split up too. Wylan and Jesper went back to the Van Eck house, while Kaz and Matthias made their way to the Crow Club.

Matthias was eternally grateful to Inej for allowing him to keep her room, and to be so close to Kaz. He was going to find lodging elsewhere in the city, but Djel had been on his side, and now he grinned as he and Kaz walked through the Crow Club doors.

Inside was exactly like Matthias expected, and that made him quite satisfied. It was loud, and crowded, but it felt homely, and the blonde liked that.

They made a line for Kaz's office, and then they were behind a closed door, and the noise level diminished significantly.

"So Fjedan," Kaz says, taking a seat behind the desk and picking up the paper that was lying there and a pen, "I'm willing to allow you to live here. In return however, I expect you to pull your weight like Inej did."

Matthias leans against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, and gazed at the _demjin_.

"Is that a contract _demjin_?" He asked Kaz, nodding to the paper in Kaz's gloved hands. "How can I trust that you won't trick me into signing away the room? I know you are aware of the fact that I cannot read Kerch very well."

"I stand to make more if you work for me." Kaz says, smirking at the way that the blonde was thinking.

 _He's starting to fit right in_.

Matthias smiles at that, and walks to the desk, but does take a few minutes reading what little he can from the contract before he deems the _demjin_ 's words to be true and signs the paper.

"Welcome to the Dregs, Matthias Hevlar." Kaz says, holding up the contract.

In the next second, it disappears from his fingers, even though Matthias never took his eyes off of it.

"Now," Kaz says, standing from the chair to come around the desk, "as a new bruiser, your gonna have to learn the ropes from another member."

With that, they exit the office, Matthias now a member of the Dregs.

Days turn into weeks, which turn to months. Matthias learning the drills of being a bruiser, and working on his own agenda to heal Kaz.

The former is hard, the latter is literally bruising.

Kaz has given him bruises, cuts, and broken bones. Matthias thinks that it has been worth it though. Kaz is definitely making progress, even if he does not want to thank Matthias for it.

Now, Matthias runs a hand through Kaz's hair as the _demjin_ works at his desk, and is hit with Kaz's cane in response. It will definitely bruise, but Kaz did not hit him hard enough to break his bone. Without a Grisha, the time it would take him to heal was not worth the money lost, so Kaz settles for bad bruises.

"Do you _like_ pain Hevlar?!" Kaz growls out, glaring at the blonde. "Is that what this is? You like me hurting you?"

Matthias holds his pink wrist in his hand and scoffs. "If I liked pain, I would have stayed in Hellgate. _Demjin,_ you know why I'm doing this."

"It's a waste of money and time!" Kaz exclaims, standing from his desk.

Instead of the larger office downstairs, they are currently standing in Kaz's old office, upstairs in the Crow Club. Mainly because no one would disturb Kaz's work there.

No one but Matthias of course.

"It's working." Matthias replies. "It takes longer and longer for you to react when I touch you. You can handle being jostled by the crowd downstairs better. Why don't you just yield and let me _help_ you?"

"Why are you even trying to help me Hevlar?" Kaz says, shaking his head, eyes fierce. "Is this just _pity_?"

"Is that what you think?" Matthias asks, and steps closer towards Kaz, who glares at him, but pridefully does not move back.

Kaz glares up at the taller male.

Matthias steps closer still, and sees Kaz grip his cane. He tilts his head down slightly to look at Kaz.

"Really?" Matthias asks. "You can't see how I feel about you?"

"I don't care how-"

Matthias cuts him off by kissing him, sliding a hand through Kaz's hair to hold the back of his head. The momentum causes Matthias's tongue to slide into Kaz's open mouth, and the blonde savours the sensation.

Kaz bites down on Matthias's lip.

Hard.

Matthias stumbles back, covering his bleeding mouth with a hand.

If looks could kill, Matthias would be dead at least ten times over.

Kaz wipes his mouth against his sleeve, wiping Matthias's blood off of him. To his surprise, the corpses and water does not come. He can hear it, but it is not visually manifesting itself, which is a pleasant surprise.

"How about now?" Matthias asks, glaring at Kaz.

Kaz glares right on back. "How many lives do you think you have Hevlar?"

"I could ask you the same thing _demjin_." Matthias replies. "How long do you think you can keep this up before you can't fight it anymore?"

"I fight everything." Kaz spits out. "That's why I'm still alive."

"You don't have to fight me." Matthias says. "Not when I'm trying to help you."

"Are you trying to help me Hevlar?" Kaz scoffs, tilting his head to the side. "Or are you just helping yourself?"

"What, so now that you know how I feel you think you can just use it as an excuse?" Matthias growls out, wiping the blood on his hand on his trousers. "You can't keep using such cheap tricks _demjin_."

"This is the Barrel, Fjerdan!" Kaz exclaims with a dark chuckle. "I can do whatever the hell I want here!"

"So can I." Matthias says, and cups Kaz's face in his non-bloody hand before Kaz can react. "I want to embrace you."

Kaz's cane hits his shin, and he crumples to the other knee.

"Don't touch me." Kaz growls out, and presses the side of his cane to Matthias's neck.

"I want to touch you." Matthias says, and Kaz hits him in the shoulder joint, causing his arm to go limp.

"Shut up." Kaz says.

"I want to love you." Matthias continues, and his other arm goes limp under Kaz's cane's influence.

"Stop talking."

"I want to set you free Kaz." Matthias says, and the cane stops at Kaz's side.

"I am free." Kaz whispers.

"No your not." Matthias replies. "Not when you can't touch other people. Not when the cage is your clothes and your gloves."

Kaz is silent at this, and then he's looking at his chair, because Jordie's ghost is sitting there now, smiling and nodding his head.

"That's not true." Kaz says, turning back to Matthias. "I'm free."

Matthias shakes his head and gets to his feet. "You can't ever be free when you have that kind of phobia."

Kaz shakes his head. "You're wrong. I don't need to be able to touch people to make them fear me."

"You can't rule on fear alone." Matthias replies.

"Watch me." Kaz says, lifting his chin in defiance of the blonde's words.

"I'm always watching you." Matthias says with a small smile. "That's why I know you can't achieve your goals like this. That's why I know you need this."

"How can you possibly know what I need?" Kaz growls out.

"Because I love you." Matthias says, feels his chest lighten as he finally says the words. "Because I don't care how much you hurt me, as long as it helps you, as long as you're happy in the end."

"I don't know what happiness is anymore." Kaz says, and runs a hand through his hair. "What makes you think curing me of my phobia will make me happy?"

Matthias shakes his head. "I know because it's a phobia that controls you."

Their silence for a while, and Kaz turns his head to look out his window at the crows perched there. Matthias can tell Kaz is mulling it over in that genius brain of his, knows that Kaz must know how disabling his phobia is, more so than his limp.

When Kaz finally speaks up, Matthias's lip has stopped bleeding, and the crows have left their perch on the windowsill.

"Fine." He whispers out. "I'll do it."

Matthias exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding, his entire body relaxing as pure joy and relief floods through him.

"No going back now." Matthias says with a grin.

Kaz scoffs and shrugs his shoulders. "I could always just kill you, and then no one would be the wiser."

Matthias starts off light: A ruffle of the hair, a bump of shoulders, a light caress of the face. Kaz clenches his jaw, grinds his teeth, but begins to not even hear the water when Matthias touches him.

Matthias relishes in the feeling of not being bruised and sore, but more so in the feeling of touching Kaz. It's these kinds of little things that let him express his feelings the most. The kind of thing a proper Fjerdan would do. He felt more whole every time Kaz lets him touch him, like he was fuller, or lighter.

Kaz thinks of it as building up a tolerance to poison. He lets the blonde touch him, and every time he feels the chill run down his spine, feels his body tense up. Gradually however, over many weeks, the chill gets warmer, and his body stops tensing up.

And then he really wants to kill Matthias, because he starts wondering when the next time he'll touch him will be. He starts taking comfort in Matthias's presence. His habit of looking for him in the crowd gets worse, as does his habit of standing a little taller when the blonde walks in.

Matthias finds it hard to control himself when he sees how well it's going. He wants to do things that he knows are currently too much for Kaz. The thoughts still get him off in the morning though, when he wakes up to his member standing to attention.

Now, Matthias runs a hand through Kaz's hair slowly and lets his hand rest at the back of his head. Kaz does not flinch, or tense up.

Matthias smiles a small smile at that, then sees the look in Kaz's eyes. Kaz is once again seated at his old desk, financial work now done. His chair is turned in Matthias's direction, who in turn is leaning against the same side of the desk that Kaz is seated behind. He's leaning over the dark-haired boy so that their faces are level. Kaz's eyes contain the same light as they do when a plan is coming to fruition. There is a certain rapture in the look, and it sends some of Matthias's blood south.

He kisses Kaz.

For a second Matthias feels Kaz's body tense, but a second later he relaxes again. To Matthias's surprise, he feels the slight pressure on his lips as Kaz kisses him back.

Matthias leans farther down, and gently licks Kaz's lip. It takes a few more moments, but then Matthias's tongue is inside Kaz's mouth, and his blood is rushing south again. Kaz groans at the feeling of the tongue in his mouth, but does not bite down this time, so Matthias takes it as a good sign.

They're kissing, and Matthias's heart is soaring, and then something in Kaz snaps, and he shoves his hands into Matthias's growing hair and pulls him closer.

Matthias opens his eyes in surprise, and sees the _demjin_ staring right back at him, which makes his heart rattle in his chest, because those are _bedroom eyes._

Kaz does not see or hear the water, the bodies, or the chill. He is hot and his body is tingling. He wants Matthias, and he wants him now, before his brain returns to its normal higher level of thinking.

Matthias grabs Kaz's waist, and lifts him to his feets, mouths still connected. He has the urge to just lift Kaz onto his makeshift desk and take him there, but he doubts the desk will be able to stand it, so he gently nudges Kaz towards his small bedroom door.

They disconnect for the few steps between the desk and the bedroom. Then they're undressing, Kaz's swift fingers making quick work of his buttons and coats. He's never been naked in front of anyone who didn't share his blood, (excluding the Ice Court job) but the thought was easily tossed away when their lips are pressed together again.

Kaz is suddenly on the bed, his hands threaded through Matthias's hair, when the blonde pulls away slightly. They're both panting, and they take this opportunity to examine each others bodies while they catch their breath. Kaz is not surprised by the muscles and scars on the Fjerdan's body, but Matthias is. He knew that life in the Barrel was hard, but he had not expected the sheer amount of scars that littered the _demjin's_ body. Technically, they had been naked in each others presence when they did the Ice Court job, but at that point there was too much tension to notice each others bodies, so they took in all the details now. When they're done, their eyes met, both pairs filled with longing and lust.

"Are you sure?" Matthias whispers, his voice hoarse and filled with lust, be he did not want to force Kaz.

"I'm always sure." Kaz says, and crashes their lips together again.

In a blur of skin, they're both on the bed. It's strange for Kaz to be so close to someone, but he doesn't even have to think about it, he just loses himself to the sensations, his body moving without him telling it to.

Matthias maps out the body beneath his with his hands. He feels Kaz touching his body too, and they break apart, lips swollen when Kaz's hand travels down to Matthias's pelvis.

In that second, Kaz grabs his member, and Matthias almost loses it when he looks down at the same time.

Kaz is not wearing his gloves.

Matthias's head dips to Kaz's shoulder, and they sit there facing each other as Kaz begins stroking Matthias's member.

The pleasure coursing through Matthias is unreal, nothing like what he felt just this morning when he got himself off. He lets out a groan as Kaz tugs a little.

"Someone's sensitive." Kaz says as he strokes, his mouth near Matthias's ear, and Matthias feels the shiver runs through him at the rough voice.

Matthias grabs Kaz's own member in his hands then, and lift his head slightly so that his mouth is now level with Kaz's ear. "I don't want to hear that from you."

Kaz however, has his eyes lidded and head tipped slightly back in the pleasure of the rough hand on his member. Matthias's hand is much larger than Kaz's and its hold on his dick is almost enough to get him off.

 _Damn, he was sensitive._

Matthias drinks in the sight with hungry eyes, and Kaz feels the blonde's member grow in his hand. He tilts his head forwards as he reigns in his feelings, begins stroking Matthias's dick again.

Matthias groans, but retaliates by stroking Kaz's member in return. Kaz releases a short breath that makes Matthias's own member twitch, and slowly but surely they speed up their efforts as they jack each other off. Kaz's hand moves in precise movements, while Matthias's moves with practiced ease. They each don't want to cum first, but Matthias can see Kaz struggling as his half-lidded eyes flutter in pleasure, his breaths coming out in puffs. Kaz knows he's slipping too, but he can't control it.

He _can_ control his hand on Matthias's dick though, so he speeds up his hand movements, determined on either making Matthias come first, or making them come together.

Matthias groans at the feeling, but holds on so that they can come together.

It happens fast, both of them releasing with a groan; Matthias dips his head onto Kaz's shoulder again, and Kaz's head tilts back, his mouth open slightly.

When they come down from their highs, their fingers are slick with cum, and their breath comes out from their mouths in a big puffs.

Matthias is about to move away from Kaz, sure the _demjin_ would be unwilling to go further than this, when Kaz's hand slips over Matthias's member again, slicking it with Matthias's own cum. The blonde shivers as his sensitive member rises to attention again.

"We're not done yet Hevlar." Kaz says, eyes lidded, lips turnt up in a sexy smirk.

Matthias looks down at Kaz's member, sees it stiff again. He raises his eyes to Kaz's face again, sees the lust and permission there, and moves his slick hand to Kaz's entrance.

Kaz tenses as the first finger enters, not because of phobia, but because of the strangeness of something going into his body.

Matthias diligently prepares him, and soon he judges Kaz to be ready. He looks up at Kaz again, sees the slight raise of one of his eyebrows.

Kaz leans back so that he is lying on his back, and Matthias moves to sit between his legs. Matthias's gaze goes from his member to Kaz's entrance. He's hard, and that means he's big. He doesn't want to hurt his _demjin_.

"You think you can take it?" Matthias asks, concerned, his member presses against Kaz's hole.

"I take what I want Hevlar." Kaz says. "You should know that by now."

Matthias rolls his eyes, and so doesn't see as Kaz pushes back onto Matthias's dick, pushing it inside him. With his bad leg, he doesn't get more than halfway before he has to stop.

"Djiel!" Matthias exclaims with a groan, pleasure flowing through him.

He runs a hand through his hair and gazes down at Kaz, who is staring up at him with his half-lidded eyes, but there is a slight tension to his frame. Even the ruthless Kaz Brekker can't just shove a dick inside of himself with discomfort after all.

Matthias leans down then, and runs his fingers through Kaz's short hair so he can hold is head as he kisses him. Kaz laces his own fingers into the blonde's hair, and the tension eases off slightly inside him, so Matthias slides in a little deeper, groaning into their kiss.

Matthias slowly slides the rest of the way in, and Kaz's head hits his bed as he throws it back. He's never experienced this feeling of fullness before, and Matthias's dick was nudging something inside him that made sparks travel up his spine, made his member twitch in pleasure.

"Hevlar, move-"

"Call me Matthias." Matthias says, his face a few millimeters from Kaz's now. "Or I won't move."

"Why is that important-" Kaz starts, but gets cut off when Matthias shifts slightly inside him, and he throws his head back again with a groan.

Matthias places kisses on the neck bared to him, a smirk on his lips.

"Move!" Kaz groans, pushing his hips back towards Matthias's.

The move makes pleasure course through both of them, but Matthias brings his hands down to hold Kaz's hips in place, suppressing the urge to just pound him into oblivion.

Kaz growls up at him, but then when he sees he's not getting what he wants without conceding this little point, he concedes.

"Matthias, move!" He says, and immediately, Matthias pulls out and slams back in, making Kaz see white for a second.

They both groans as Matthias continues thrusting in and out.

"You call me Hevlar and I stop." Matthias whispers in Kaz's ear, kissing the skin there.

Kaz growls and thrusts back into Matthias.

"I love you _demjin_." Matthias says, realizing only now that the term has come to be a pet name for the man beneath him.

Kaz grips Matthias's shoulders and groans as Matthias speeds up. "Shut...up."

Matthias grins and kisses him. Kaz returns the kiss, but only briefly before breaking it to rest his head on the blonde's shoulder, a groan escaping him as Matthias hits that spot inside him again.

Matthias drinks up the feel of Kaz pressed so close to him, the feel of his insides clenching around him. He starts thrusting faster, feeling himself getting close. He sees Kaz's dick leaking between them, but does not touch it.

He wants them to cum together.

It doesn't take long with the pace he set, and soon he thrusts especially deep as he cums, causing Kaz to climax as well, and he feels pain in his shoulder as Kaz bites down there to keep from screaming out in pleasure.

They ride down their highs, Matthias's hips twitching along with Kaz's body until finally they collapse onto the bed when Matthias pulls out.

They pant and try to catch their breath, slick with sweat and cum. Matthias doesn't care about how filthy there are, now used to being dirty in the Barrel. Matthias turns his head to look at Kaz, who has his eyes closed and almost breathing normal again.

Matthias turns and rests his head on his hand, his elbow propping him up.

He watches as Kaz opens his dark eyes to look at Matthias and his breath evens out.

"How do you feel?" Matthias asks, using the hand not holding his head to move back some of Kaz's hair off his face.

"Surprisingly satisfied." Kaz says, to which Matthias laughs.

"Thank you." Matthias says with a smile. "The feelings are mutual."

Kaz scoffs at that, and then grimaces at the mess on his stomach from his cum. Matthias chuckles and gets off the bed, finding a cloth and water jug. He wets the cloth and then hands it to Kaz, who wipes himself off quickly and efficiently.

When he's done, he hands Matthias back the cloth, and Matthias wets it again and cleans himself off before settling back onto the bed with Kaz.

"Don't think you're an angel anymore." Kaz says with a smirk.

Matthias chuckles at that. "That might be true, but you're certainly still a _demjin_ , albeit more shameless than expected."

Kaz scoffs. "I'm Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel. I _have_ no shame."

Matthias chuckles again, and lifts one of Kaz's hands to turn it over in his hands, not sure what he's expecting to see by looking so closely.

"Not so demonic after all." Kaz says, looking at his hand in Matthias's grasp.

"The only people who think that are people who have yet to feel your wrath." Matthias mumbles, looking at the tiny paper-thin scars that litter the hand.

Kaz actually chuckles at that, which makes Matthias look up sharply at him, surprised. Matthias burns the picture of Kaz smiling into his mind, and tries to hide his disappointment when the smile disappears.

"Now let go of me Matthias." Kaz says, pulling his hand from the blonde's grasp. "I have work to do."

He gets up from the bed and gets dressed.

He glances at Matthias. "If I have work, that means you have work Fjordan."

Matthias gets off the bed and starts getting dressed. He wonders if he meant anything to Kaz, or whether he was just someone who helped him with his phobia.

"And Matthias," Kaz says, grabbing his hat and his cane, his gloves already on, and moves to the office door, "this was a good way to relieve some stress, so we will definitely be doing it again soon."

With that, Kaz is gone, and Matthias heard his distinct footsteps going down the stairs.

Matthias smiles at the intangible way that made Kaz Kaz, and made their relationship what it was.

"Of course my _demjin_." He says to the empty room, before pulling his boots on and heading for the open door to follow after Kaz.


End file.
